BRIDGING THE GENDER COMMUNICATION GAP

In the '60s and '70s thousands of women fought a hard battle in the workplace. The purpose was to prove what seemed like a fundamental point: that, beyond the physical, there are no intrinsic differences between women and men. The intention was certainly valid -- opening doors to occupations and executive positions that were gender restricted or out of reach in the past due to the infamous glass ceiling. However, as the doors to equality began to open, an interesting reality also became apparent. Men and women are really not the same - in their thinking, acting, communicating or in many other behaviors. The truth is, we can never be the same, nor should we strive to be.

Females have been invading the male - dominated work environment for only a few short decades. Prior to the sixties and seventies women were relegated to a very narrow range of job possibilities: primarily as teachers, nurses, secretaries and sales clerks. Beyond these parameters the pickings were slim, the possibilities quite limited. As women accelerated their climb into the managerial and executive hierarchy, the differences in their approach to business - especially in terms of communication and relationship-building - became areas of contention at worst, and confusion at best. In the male-focused business world both men and women agree on one thing: men have greater perceived credibility. They're more comfortable standing in their power as authorities. Women are fighting age-old perceptions to gain their credibility. While men are judged by the position of power they hold, women in our culture are often still judged by the presence they bring into a room. In many cases they have to earn their influence through means other than perceived authority. That translates into working harder to prove themselves through overcoming more obstacles, achieving higher goals and demonstrating skills that measurably boost the bottom line.

A fundamental principle of psychology notes that people are more readily influenced by those they see as similar to themselves. Men have always taken this for granted when dealing with other men in business. Dissimilarity has become a major challenge for many career women who have trouble assimilating into the business world or corporate culture because they don't always know how to "play by the rules." Here are some concrete suggestions for women who want to bridge the business gender gap through playing by your own rules -- and making cross-gender communications work for you.

• Speak with authority. Avoid raising your voice in a questioning tone at the end of sentences. When your voice goes up, your credibility goes down.
• Don't wait your turn in meetings. Men assertively speak out with strong voices. If you have a comment, state it without waiting to be called upon.
• Be aware of listening style differences. Women listen attentively with direct eye contact, nodding and vocalizing which men often misconstrue to mean agreement. Be clear when expressing the difference between "I hear you" versus "I agree with you."
• Monitor your smiling. Women smile more readily in business contexts to be friendly. Men smile with women to flirt. Be careful your behaviors are not misinterpreted.
• Honor your skills as a Relater. When difficulties arise, use the REAL Communication Formula as an aid: R = Repeat and review what you hear him say; E = Empathize with his feelings; A = Acknowledge the validity of his message, even if you don't agree; then L = Look and Listen for subliminal clues -- body language, voice tone, etc. -- so you can better understand his message, eliminate any defensiveness, and open the door to authentic, respectful, clear communication in which you both WIN!

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Certified Corporate Trainer, an award-winning marketing copywriter and partner in the new membership website, Women Helping Women Mastermind (www.womenhelpingwomenmastermind.com). She provides consulting, training and coaching services for businesses and professionals in all facets of marketing and business communication issues. Reach her at talk2roz@bellsouth.net or 561 742-3537.